The Surprising Link Between Housework and a Better Sex Life: Why Sharing the Mental Load Is Essential for Intimacy

📢 Want a better sex life? Start with the dishes.

No, really.

If you’re feeling disconnected in your marriage, struggling with intimacy, or facing ongoing arguments about sex and communication, housework might be the hidden issue no one is talking about — but every couple needs to address.

In our powerful conversation with Sheila and Keith Gregoire, authors of The Great Sex Rescue, we uncovered one of the most underrated secrets to creating a healthy marriage and amazing intimacy: sharing the mental load.

Let’s break down why what happens outside the bedroom affects what happens inside it — and what to do if your sex life feels stuck.

💡 Why Housework (and Mental Load) Are Intimacy Issues

Here’s the truth: When one partner carries the bulk of the mental and emotional load of running a household, it leads to burnout, resentment, and disconnection — the exact opposite of what’s needed for intimacy.

Mental load isn’t just about chores. It’s the constant, invisible thinking work behind managing family life — like:

• Remembering appointments, school events, and meal planning

• Tracking kids’ emotional needs, health, and activities

• Handling bills, house maintenance, and social obligations

• Being the default parent or "house manager"

➡️ When one person is overwhelmed and unsupported, emotional intimacy fades — and so does sexual desire.

It’s hard to feel close or romantic when you’re mentally exhausted, emotionally disconnected, or secretly resentful.

✅ What Research Shows: Couples Who Share Housework Have Better Sex Lives

Sheila shares with us how their studies have shown that couples who share housework and mental load fairly:

• Feel closer emotionally

• Fight less about sex

• Have more satisfying and frequent intimacy

Why? Because when both partners feel valued, supported, and seen, they naturally become more open to both emotional and physical connection.

Emotional connection builds trust — and trust fuels intimacy.

🚨 Why "Helping Out" Isn't the Same as "Owning It"

One of the biggest traps couples fall into is thinking that "helping out" is enough.

But here’s the hard truth: "Helping" makes one partner the boss and the other a temporary assistant.

Sharing the mental load means owning part of the household and family responsibilities — not waiting to be asked or expecting a to-do list.

➡️ When both partners take equal ownership of home life, it stops being one-sided work and becomes a team effort.

🔑 The One Mindset Shift That Can Transform Your Marriage

If you want a healthier marriage and better intimacy, here’s the single most important shift you can make:

👉 "Our home, our life — shared equally."

Instead of thinking about "helping" your spouse, think about owning half the responsibility for everything that makes your life work — from the laundry to the emotional needs of your kids.

Practical ways to start:

• Have a weekly "mental load check-in" to talk about what’s on each of your plates

• Split up areas of responsibility so each person fully owns specific tasks

• Recognize that emotional labor (like remembering birthdays or scheduling appointments) is real work — and share it

• Make space to appreciate each other’s contributions regularly

❤️ Why This Changes Everything — Including Your Sex Life

When the mental load is shared:
✅ Both partners feel valued and appreciated
✅ Emotional intimacy grows naturally — because there’s less resentment
✅ Trust is rebuilt, and physical intimacy feels safe and wanted, not pressured
✅ Sex becomes about connection, not another "job" to tick off the list

When both people feel supported, the desire to connect (emotionally and sexually) comes back on its own — because intimacy thrives in a relationship built on mutual care and respect.

🎯 Final Thoughts: Want Better Sex? Start with Better Partnership

If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or struggling with intimacy in marriage, don’t start by focusing on sex — start by focusing on sharing life.

When both partners are emotionally invested, sharing responsibilities, and valuing each other, intimacy naturally follows.

💥 Because great sex doesn’t start in the bedroom — it starts in how you live together every day.

📚 Want More on Healthy Marriage and Intimacy?

For deeper, research-backed insights on building emotional connection and healthy intimacy, check out Sheila & Keith Gregoire’s books:

📘 The Great Sex Rescue — Transforming unhealthy views of intimacy and building real connection.
📘 The Marriage You Want — A practical guide to creating emotional and physical intimacy that lasts.

👉 Find more from Sheila & Keith here: https://baremarriage.com/

Listen to or Watch our Episode with Sheila and Keith here!